i cant tell if you're laughing
9:56 pm - March 18, 2007
I feel empty. Ive always maintained by surrounding myself with friends I don’t need a special someone, and I still think that’s true. However… when you begin to doubt your friends worthiness.. problems arise.
I guess lately I’ve felt something is missing in my life. I cant put my finger on it.
I’ve lost some of my positivity. Maybe its everything that’s going on at home (aunty + cancer + death, Bro + kicked out of home = parent tension = possible separation + me sad because I’m so far away from it all + lack of a sense of family. )
I did meet this guy. Well I decided he was the right guy for me. I don’t think he thinks so though. He might think I am crazy actually. This is the story.
It was 299. he is a friend of a friend. I have met him once before. I saw him in the toilet line. Decided he was cute. Messaged friend to tell him so. Was drunk so laughed and said he could be my dream guy. Spent most of rest of night being drunk and occasionally making eye contact across the room. His friend telling me “he was all about me”. Finally talking to him. Both too drunk to really make sense of anything. I had a side kick also, who we had just had a discussion about how much it sucks when your sidekick hooks up with someone. I told said boy he was cute. He gave me a hug. Said I don’t know what you want me to do about it I’m drunk. I said you could give me your phone number. I demand he tells me his real name (I know him as a nickname). Drunk message on way home. Recovery message next day. Few messages talking about meeting at a show Thursday night. Boy sick. Still go to show anyway. Great night. Some internet communication follows. Now nothing. Now real encouraging signs either.
So am I reading into this too much,…. Or is he not into me! Way to over analyse this situation hey. I mean what situation. Why am I so into someone I don’t even know! I am strange. Very strange.
